Don't grow up too fast

Growing up means responsibilities..but when you're already an adult at 19 it's hard to realize what's TRUELY important. It's summer, meaning for most kids my age hard core partying, but for me I have no vacations or late nights unless I ask for them off. I can't go out and party every night till 3 in the morning and sleep in late. I have to wake up and go to my j.o.b. Thing is it's not just any job like log cabin.. it's my career. I can't mess this up. What I'm doing right now is what I will be doing for the rest of my life. Although I LOVE it sometimes I feel like I'm missing out. I don't get to go out and party with my friends or even go out that often really because late night = long day at work. So after turning people down multiple times they eventually stop inviting me. Which is understandable but completely sucks on my part. When I actually do have time off I have no idea what's going on and when I do people are already all riding with one another...and everyone knows it's no fun showing up somewhere by yourself. Resulting in me not going. I wish I wasn't so grown up. I miss my friends and hanging out with them. I wish they'd understand why I can't go out all the time..it's not that I don't want to because trust me I want to go it's that I can't if I want to be successful. So all of you teenagers out there that can't wait to grow up. Slow down. Enjoy your simpler years. You have your whole life to be an adult. Be a kid while you still can.

 

Shoes don't stretch and men don't change

You're ridiculous . Probably the biggest prick I've had met in my entire life, so why do I still care what you think? I shouldn't. After everything you've put me through I should never talk to you again and completely push you out of my life, but that's not that kinda person I am. I thought I could change you, and you actually made me believe that you changed too, but lets face the facts you never have and you never will. I cannot believe you think I owe you something.. me..owe you?! Psh.. You've put me through hell and back, you've RUINED my life so don't come with this crap that I owe YOU something. There's a reason why I didn't date you last year and you know why..What you did wasn't ok and you can't change what you did. Yeah, so you're in a relationship now. What? You think he's changed? Sweetie face the facts he will never change. I don't care who you are he's still going to be that worthless piece of crap ass hole that he was before. "Shoes don't stretch and men don't change."

Truth

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
— Marilyn Monroe

Jealousy.

Jealousy. It's a horrible thing isn't it? Probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Watching people full fill the dreams that you want. The dreams that you worked so hard for, and for what? Nothing. You got nothing out of it but the memories...but the second that you give up on that dream it always seems like someone else accomplishes it. 

 A year ago one of my dreams was to go to state in the 4x1. It's been my race since 7th grade and we've been so close every year, last year was my final shot..but I'm me. Which means my dreams generally don't come true when I want them to happen. They happen when my coach screws me out of a position or when I graduate. Which I guess are no longer MY dreams, they're someone else's. Typical Katie luck. I'm not saying that I'm not happy for the girls who for the first time in school history are now going to state, I'm saying I envy you. I worked so hard my whole high school career to run what you girls are about to run. Jogging up to the starting line, heart racing, confidence, hearing the announcer say "sweats off. on your mark. set." **gun**, the adrenaline from that perfect hand off..I miss it. I wish I was one of you girls, but I'm not, and I'm never going back to high school. So to put into terms I need to simply get over it.

So I wish you girls the best. I truly and honestly do, and it's not the kind of good luck where you say good luck and you're really hoping they do bad. Honestly good luck. Live the dream that so many athletes dream of.

she's so gone

Since I've graduated and explored outside of my lovely hometown I've come to find that I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I've grown up more, accepted my responsibilities, and maybe gotten to be a little crazier...but in a good way. The main change I've realized is with him. Yeah, I'm sure all you Osakis people know who I'm talking about..but for once in my life he no longer has control over me. College has given me time away to FINALLY heal (and for all of you who are thinking "wow that was so long ago get over it", you have NO idea how long me and him have actually had a thing..we've never gotten over each other), but the other day I saw him, and for once I didn't see the guy I used to. He was just another guy to me. My heart didn't drop, I no longer felt like I was going to throw up or the room was spinning..it was just another person...of course we stopped and talked a bit but..it was different. Indescribable really. He did the usual wink wink, touch my waist, try to flirt, smile, look into my eyes, but his usual hypnotic ways weren't working. I was simply just stand there akwardly talking to this person who a year ago would have brought me to my knees by the 2 simple words "we're over" or "i'm done." I couldn't believe how much I've changed, yet still be the same person at the same time. 

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Anyone who knows me would know that about me. If I'm listening to music and it explains how I'm feeling or how I've felt in the past it will become my facebook status. It's just how I am. 

After this expected appearance of him I went home like any other day and turned on the tv. I wasn't exactly watching, just gazing watching the commericals flicker one to another, until I heard this song. It really spoke to me. It explained exactly how I felt.
 

Insecure
In her skin
Like a puppet, a girl on a string

Broke away
Learned to fly
If you want her back gotta let her shine

So it looks like the joke's on you
'Cause the girl that you thought you knew

She's so gone
That's so over now
She's so gone
You won't find her around
You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone

Here I am
This is me
And I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be

Are you shocked?
Are you mad?
That you're missing out on who I really am

Now it looks like the joke's on you
'Cause the girl that you thought you knew

She's so gone
That's so over now
She's so gone
You won't find her around
You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone away
Like history
She's so gone
Baby, this is me, yeah

She's so gone
That's so over now
She's so gone
You won't find her around
You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone
(That's so over now)
She's so gone
(You won't find her around)

You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone

So alone
She's so gone
Gone, gone, gone 

Time To Grow Up

You know when you're a little kid and you just can't wait to grow up? You see all the adults and all that they get to do and all you can't do? I wish that we weren't so nieve to be able to see all the things that they get to do that aren't exactly fun. Which we all know very well as responsibilities. Re-spon-si-bil-i-ty, 1. The state,quality, of fact of being responsible. 2. Something for which someone is responsible; a duty,a obligation, or burden.

Lately I feel that I've obtained way too many responsibilities for my age. This week I've gone from college student to adult so fast that I had to stop my head from spinning. It was like someone took a ice cold bucket of water and threw it in my face saying, "There you go, you're now an adult." Although it seems that I'd been waiting for that day my whole life, It didn't feel the way I expected to feel. I was scared, nervous, reality was kicking in and I had to try to concentrate on my breathing so that I wouldn't break into tears. My whole life I could not wait to get out of Osakis, go to college and start my own life..but now that's happening I just wanna hop in a time machine and go back to my senior year in high school.

I feel as if I've been so responsible my whole life that I never had any opportunity to be that wild and crazy kid. In high school I had my sports and I wasn't going to risk going to any party...I don't handle the bench very well. Even in college, it's not that I didn't want to party, cause I did, but the fact that I have so many little girls looking up to me...it just made me not want to. I'm not saying that I never not partied because I have, but I felt extremely guilty afterwords.

But I guess it's time to put all that aside, put on my big girl pants and get out into the real world. There's nothing else to really do. I'm not going to live my life scared and procrastinating being an adult. I'm going to embrace it.

The Bird Has Left The Nest

Well, it's official, the bird has left the nest. There's no more procrastinating homework, worrying about failing tests, sports, no more every day routine that I knew so well. I Katie Didier have graduated college. Some feel that cosmetology school isn't necessarily college, but after 40 hours of school per week (for 10 months) and countless tests and stamps, I would beg to differ.. I am now a 19 year old graduate with a career and sometimes that literally scares the crap out of me.

Like I said I'm 19. I just graduated high school not even a year ago and I already have a career? Me? I actually have a job that I love and I'm actually good at!! Sometimes I just need to take a step back and take a deep breathe to try to absorb everything. I just can't seem to process that everything is going as smoothly as it is for someone like me. The girl that if one in a million people fall off a cliff a year that one person would be me. Not that that static is even realistic, but you got the point. 

Well I'd love to talk more about how crazy fast my life is spinning, but I must get ready for my first day of work. So happy trails. :)