she's so gone

Since I've graduated and explored outside of my lovely hometown I've come to find that I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I've grown up more, accepted my responsibilities, and maybe gotten to be a little crazier...but in a good way. The main change I've realized is with him. Yeah, I'm sure all you Osakis people know who I'm talking about..but for once in my life he no longer has control over me. College has given me time away to FINALLY heal (and for all of you who are thinking "wow that was so long ago get over it", you have NO idea how long me and him have actually had a thing..we've never gotten over each other), but the other day I saw him, and for once I didn't see the guy I used to. He was just another guy to me. My heart didn't drop, I no longer felt like I was going to throw up or the room was spinning..it was just another person...of course we stopped and talked a bit but..it was different. Indescribable really. He did the usual wink wink, touch my waist, try to flirt, smile, look into my eyes, but his usual hypnotic ways weren't working. I was simply just stand there akwardly talking to this person who a year ago would have brought me to my knees by the 2 simple words "we're over" or "i'm done." I couldn't believe how much I've changed, yet still be the same person at the same time. 

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Anyone who knows me would know that about me. If I'm listening to music and it explains how I'm feeling or how I've felt in the past it will become my facebook status. It's just how I am. 

After this expected appearance of him I went home like any other day and turned on the tv. I wasn't exactly watching, just gazing watching the commericals flicker one to another, until I heard this song. It really spoke to me. It explained exactly how I felt.
 

Insecure
In her skin
Like a puppet, a girl on a string

Broke away
Learned to fly
If you want her back gotta let her shine

So it looks like the joke's on you
'Cause the girl that you thought you knew

She's so gone
That's so over now
She's so gone
You won't find her around
You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone

Here I am
This is me
And I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be

Are you shocked?
Are you mad?
That you're missing out on who I really am

Now it looks like the joke's on you
'Cause the girl that you thought you knew

She's so gone
That's so over now
She's so gone
You won't find her around
You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone away
Like history
She's so gone
Baby, this is me, yeah

She's so gone
That's so over now
She's so gone
You won't find her around
You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone
(That's so over now)
She's so gone
(You won't find her around)

You can look but you won't see
The girl I used to be
'Cause she's
She's so gone

So alone
She's so gone
Gone, gone, gone 

Time To Grow Up

You know when you're a little kid and you just can't wait to grow up? You see all the adults and all that they get to do and all you can't do? I wish that we weren't so nieve to be able to see all the things that they get to do that aren't exactly fun. Which we all know very well as responsibilities. Re-spon-si-bil-i-ty, 1. The state,quality, of fact of being responsible. 2. Something for which someone is responsible; a duty,a obligation, or burden.

Lately I feel that I've obtained way too many responsibilities for my age. This week I've gone from college student to adult so fast that I had to stop my head from spinning. It was like someone took a ice cold bucket of water and threw it in my face saying, "There you go, you're now an adult." Although it seems that I'd been waiting for that day my whole life, It didn't feel the way I expected to feel. I was scared, nervous, reality was kicking in and I had to try to concentrate on my breathing so that I wouldn't break into tears. My whole life I could not wait to get out of Osakis, go to college and start my own life..but now that's happening I just wanna hop in a time machine and go back to my senior year in high school.

I feel as if I've been so responsible my whole life that I never had any opportunity to be that wild and crazy kid. In high school I had my sports and I wasn't going to risk going to any party...I don't handle the bench very well. Even in college, it's not that I didn't want to party, cause I did, but the fact that I have so many little girls looking up to me...it just made me not want to. I'm not saying that I never not partied because I have, but I felt extremely guilty afterwords.

But I guess it's time to put all that aside, put on my big girl pants and get out into the real world. There's nothing else to really do. I'm not going to live my life scared and procrastinating being an adult. I'm going to embrace it.

The Bird Has Left The Nest

Well, it's official, the bird has left the nest. There's no more procrastinating homework, worrying about failing tests, sports, no more every day routine that I knew so well. I Katie Didier have graduated college. Some feel that cosmetology school isn't necessarily college, but after 40 hours of school per week (for 10 months) and countless tests and stamps, I would beg to differ.. I am now a 19 year old graduate with a career and sometimes that literally scares the crap out of me.

Like I said I'm 19. I just graduated high school not even a year ago and I already have a career? Me? I actually have a job that I love and I'm actually good at!! Sometimes I just need to take a step back and take a deep breathe to try to absorb everything. I just can't seem to process that everything is going as smoothly as it is for someone like me. The girl that if one in a million people fall off a cliff a year that one person would be me. Not that that static is even realistic, but you got the point. 

Well I'd love to talk more about how crazy fast my life is spinning, but I must get ready for my first day of work. So happy trails. :)

Welcome To The Real World

I'm nothing special. I'm thee typical good girl from a small town. I never drank in high school, I didn't party, I turned in all my homework on time, I never talked back to the teachers, I wouldn't miss school unless I was dying, I was captain of my basketball and track team, and I didn't believe in sex before marriage.

I graduated high school June 5 and by July 19 I was starting my new life, in a new town, with new people. Needless to say I spent the first month of my schooling crying. Praying that this year would fly by so I could go back to my drama filled small town that I could hardly wait to break free from a month prior. What I didn't realize is that people in the real world aren't as nice as people back home. They tell you how they feel and frankly they don't sugar coat anything. If you do something that they feel is stupid they don't hesitate to call you out in front of people saying, "That was probably the stupidest thing I've ever hear. Did you honestly just say that?" Immediately making you drop your head and walk away with your tail between your legs.

I go on Facebook and all I see from my young classmates back home is how much they hate high school. They can't wait to get out of this "prison". I just wish they'd take a step back and realize when they get out of this "prion" they're going to count down the days until they get to come back to it. Life isn't as easy in the real world. You're treated like a number. Teachers don't care about how you do in school. Whether you fail or not, they're still going to get paid.You can't trust people. People are going to want to hurt you, bring you down, crush your hopes and dreams until you have no hope and are ready to give up. Don't think that just because you're out of high school that the drama will stop, because it doesn't. It's like a disease. It's everywhere you go, there's not cure for it, and you can't run from it. So don't think just because you're getting out of high school  that it'll go away, because it doesn't. No matter where you go there's still going to be someone, somewhere that wants to see you fail. Welcome to the real world.

Enjoy your high school days. Don't count down till you're "free". Cherish seeing your friends and walking to class with them. sitting in the lunch room. and playing volleyball in the small gym. Everything must come to an end eventually. Then ready or not it's time to grow up.